HOW TO HAVE THE GREATEST SUPERPOWER

It can be infuriating at times when you’re sat opposite someone and have absolutely no idea what cogs are turning in their heads. This feeling may arise when meeting a figure of authority for the first time, or even if your life long friend has a very well practised poker face.

When conversing with a potential customer in sales, or dragging your slick palms down freshly ironed slacks in an interview, we all wish we had the power to delve into the depths of someone’s head and see their perspective of ourselves. We want people to like us and we long to know how to make that happen. Over thinkers, like myself, may leave a conversation feeling like a complete inept at human communication. Did I nod too much? Did I sound pretentious and pompous? Did I do that jerky thing with my arms without realising?

If only we could be reassured by the knowledge that the other person were just as insecure as we were.

Tracy, who you thought found you tramp-like? Yeah, well she’s wearing last weeks knickers and it’s beginning to chafe.

Adam, the vegetarian you persistently offered sausage rolls to? Yeah, well his grandpa used to bludgeon piglets to death every evening and pretend he was a gladiator.

Hayley’s not even listening to you, she’s too busy worrying about the five slugs she found in her kitchen and considering staying at a hotel for a night, or possibly forever. Now she’s envisioning the slugs in graphic detail and you can’t seem to swallow the piece of cake you were eating.

How traumatised would we be if the true extend of the world’s insanity was visible to us? 

Having immediate access to other minds would probably leave you none the wiser to whether the other person liked you or not. They would either be thinking of something else or just point out every little thing they notice about you.

Why is she wearing a huge jacket whilst indoors?
You gradually slip out of your layers, even though you’re cold.

Is that her fifth slice of pizza tonight?
You leave your plate on the side and pick up a bowl of lettuce.

I’m kind of hungry
You offer them your pizza

‘Don’t they know I’m on a low carb diet?! Are they trying to sabotage me?
You apologise profusely and ram the remaining slice into your mouth to make yourself shut up and end up choking.

Huh? Wow what a freak.

Are they okay? Why is their face that colour?

Okay, I’m going to leave. 

Before you know it, you’re left standing there, a cold, hungry, weeping mess, worse off than before and utterly humilated. Despite your best efforts and good intentions, you’ve managed to bend and alter your actions and personality based on what other’s want. Each person you meet will be thinking something different, wanting something different and you can’t conform to all their expectations.

So don’t, it’s exhausting.

Leave your coat on, pick up your pizza and talk to people naturally. As long as you’re not intentionally a douchebag, then it doesn’t really matter. Misinterpretations happen all the time, we’re all guilty of them, but generally don’t hold them against people. it’s human error.

Felicity might find your voice annoying and Craig might hate the colour of your scarf, John thinks you’re a sociopath and Lacy doesn’t think you’ll succeed in your field. These things are true to them, but not to you.

Similarly, if Eunice idolises you and Gareth hangs on your every word, it doesn’t mean you’re great. Knowing that Iden thinks your lasts piece on Oil Spills was the best piece of journalism every written doesn’t make it so. We don’t need to know any of this. if the interviewer thinks you’re an uneducated slug from Hayley’s kitchen floor after you shake hands, you tried your best, keep your coat on and go for some pizza.

I want the superpower to access my own mind, to know it inside out like my favourite book. Look subjectively upon my own thoughts and change according to what I record.

The answer is not now to get people to like you, it’s how to get your own brain to like itself and other people. Have a mind that would make Hayley or Graham or Eunice or Felicity comfortable keeping their coats on and to reach for another slice of pizza. Now that’s a superpower.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES EDITION (JENNIFER NIVEN)

‘The great thing about this life of ours is that you can be someone different to everybody.’ THEODORE FINCH

‘Never bullshit a bullshitter.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘I have this feeling, like I’m waiting for something. But I have no idea what.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘I learned that there is good in this world, if you look hard enough for it. I learned that not everyone is disappointing, including me, and that a 1,257 bump in the ground can feel higher than a bell tower if you’re standing next to the right person.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘No more winter at all. Finch, you brought me spring.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘Stars in the sky, stars on the ground. It’s hard to tell where the sky ends and the earth begins. I feel the need to say something grand and poetic, but the only thing I come up with is “It’s lovely.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘I do my best thinking at night when everyone else is sleeping. No interruptions. No noise. I like the feeling of being awake when no one else is.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘What a terrible feeling to love someone and not be able to help them.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘Gentlemen are rare. They’re like virgins or leprechauns.’  BRENDA SHANK-KRAVITZ

‘You have to live your life like you’ll never be sorry. It’s easier just to do the right thing from the start so there’s nothing to apologize for.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘There are no rules, because life is made up of too many rules as it is.’ THEODORE FINCH

‘I should mention that I am a brilliant deflector. So brilliant that I could get a full scholarship to college and major in it, except why bother? I’ve already mastered the art’  THEODORE FINCH

‘If only world leaders would get laid well and regularly, the world’s problems might disappear.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘First things first, I need to know how you feel about space travel and Chinese food.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘It was just a smile.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘I’ve learned the hard way that the best thing to do is say nothing about what you’re really thinking. If you say nothing, they’ll assume you’re thinking nothing, only what you let them see.’  THEODORE FINCH

‘So it’s good and it’s bad and it hurts, but I like thinking about him. If I think about him, he won’t be completely gone either. Just because they’re dead, they don’t have to be. And neither do we.’  VIOLET MARKEY

‘I tread water on the surface under the wide, open sky and the sun and all that blue, which reminds me of Theodore Finch, just like everything else reminds me of him, and I think of my own epitaph, still to be written, and all the places I’ll wander. No longer rooted, but gold, flowing.’  VIOLET MARKEY

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HOW TO BE A MODEL STUDENT

Half a decade ago, I started high school. I had a pink Puma rucksack full of crap I would never use and fish out from the deep dark depths of it at the end of the year. My blazer was as stiff as the ironing board it had been soldered against and I wore these translucent pink Ghandi glasses that made me look like a bug – the usual.

Since then, I have perfected the art of being a model student and am eager to pass my golden notes of wisdom onto you.

#Lesson 1:
Do not introduce yourself to teachers as ‘Viktor Pickles.’

#LESSON 2:
Avoid producing self portraits that look like this:image (4)

#LESSON 3
Know that this is not an acceptable thing to draw in your history book: image (1)

#LESSON 4:
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to eat fajitas in class.

#LESSON 5:
Try not to fart in assembly and blame it on your friend.

#LESSON 6:
Learn to spell correctly:

#LESSON 7:
Just because Scout is wearing a ham costume in To Kill a Mockingbird, it does not permit you to proclaim her as ‘dead meat.’

#LESSON 8:
Holden CAULFIELD, not Holden Cauliflower.

#LESSON 9:
If you still can’t spell ‘difficulty,’ I suggest you read Matilda.

#LESSON 10:
If you were meant to colour it in, just colour it in. image (6)#LESSON 11:
If you can’t draw, you can’t draw.

#LESSON 12:
Please learn how to spell
photo#LESSON 13;
Develop all points fully to avoid confusion and private meetings with your English teacher.
image (8)#LESSON 14:
Don’t giggle when being told off.

#LESSON 15:
Know when to ask for help.
image (7)#LESSON 16:
Try not to insult children by calling out: ‘YOU THINK YOU’RE SO COOL, HANGING OUT NEXT TO THE FIRE EXHAUSTER, BUT YOU’RE JUST LAME.’ =__=

#LESSON 17:
If you’re 12, you may not realise this, but swearing in every sentence is not okay. Please stop.

I hope you enjoyed this post and if you did please give it a like or maybe share it with a friend. All pictures and examples used in this post are my own and not intended to insult teachers, pupils or anyone in anyway.  =]